I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
