If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
