I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
