i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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