Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
