You're so nebulous sometimes
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
