I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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