I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
