This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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