even my farts smell like vagina
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize