I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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