I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
