he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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