took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
