You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
