Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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