I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
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