I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
