In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
