Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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