She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
