i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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