i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
