You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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