Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
