I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
