Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
