That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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