you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
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All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
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And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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