i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
