There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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