I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
