Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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