as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
