Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
