What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
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how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
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Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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