last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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