apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
