I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My liver just had a heart attack.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
