he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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