508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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