Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
