my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
