Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
