Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
