The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
