I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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