why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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