Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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