My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
