Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
