Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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