Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
