It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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