i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
