You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
