Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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