we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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