I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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