Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Screwed.edu
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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