Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
