You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
