What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
