Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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