Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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