I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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