well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
